My Second Birth Story: S's Birth

My babies tend to cook longer, I told a mom at the park when I was pregnant with S and trying to describe why I was not anticipating much about my due date being a good indicator of when I would have my baby despite the fact that my due date was approaching the following week. I remembered having an expectation that my baby would arrive very close to my due date with Jackson and feeling very frustrated that it blew by me and I spent two weeks trying to ‘go into labor’ with  J’s end of pregnancy (I tried walks, massage, blue and black chohosh herbal supplements-- under guidance by my midwife-- prayed and journaled with positive intentions under the general idea that my mind could convince my body to go into labor soon and did prenatal yoga every single day) all to very little effect. J did not want to come and if you've read the previous blog post you know my perspective on why I never went into labor with J.

With J, I had scheduled an acupuncture induction apt for the Monday, two weeks after my due date (and I ended up never going to the apt. because I had to be induced with Pitocin in the hospital the Friday before the apt). This time, I was not going to wait to be ‘post-due’ to start my natural induction methods.

 I had a good plan to wait until my body started giving me clues that it was ready for labor. Since I understood from my processing of J’s birth, that for me, my mental approach to birth was highly significant, I had already been mentally preparing my body for birth for eight months. I had already been doing Art Therapy in the style of Pam England regularly during pregnancy. I had a beautiful vision of my birth in my mind. I had meditated on that vision with every HypnoBirthing CD session for weeks leading up to birth and I had let go of my fear of being vulnerable and in pain during labor. 

I approached S’s birth with some reservations though. I had partial placenta previa and had, once again, risked out of the Tucson Birth Center in the second trimester (when I was diagnosed with full placenta previa by ultrasound). At the diagnostic ultrasound apt it had been suggested by the nurse (or tech) doing the ultra sound that a c-section would be inevitable. [CC only recently told me--she is currently a midwife at the TCB--- that if I had come back and explained what the tech had told me to her--she would have said that I did not need an OB and that I could easily be one of the women for whom placenta previa completely resolves by the time of birth. She would have asked me to consider allowing her to continue to care for me up to the final stages of the pregnancy and then she would have given me a professional opinion of whether I had risked out of the birth center based on the final weeks of my pregnancy along with regular ultra sound apt's. However, I did not know that at the time and  I thought that the nurse (or tech) that the midwives had sent me to was giving me the perspective from the Birth Center--my mistake completely--which ended up changing my birth plans drastically. Still, I have no regrets with S's birth. As you will see if you continue to read.]

 I have always been a fiery personality (my husband calls me a firecracker in the middle of debating sometimes because it always makes me laugh and reminds me that although this aspect of my personality drives him nuts sometimes it's also a large reason why he married me. It quite effectively dissipates tensions). When it comes to things that I am passionate about—giving birth definitely qualifies under the title heading of “Things Amanda Gets Fired Up About.” That list is actually a bit long so I won’t go into all the things that I am passionate about right now but the underlying theme that gets me pulling out my activist hat includes: treating people and animals with respect and fairness.

So, I went through the second trimester of pregnancy envisioning a vaginal birth but mentally preparing myself for the possibility of a c-section. Now, just so that you don’t misunderstand my perspective—it was not that a c-section would be considered an invalid way to give birth in my mind at all---that was not how I felt about c-birth (and still isn't). I believe that necessary c-births save baby's lives. The reason that I did not want to have a c-section birth with S is because J was just turning two and he was a very energetic and active child. I knew that if I had a c-section, out of necessity, that this would be quite fine with me but that the recovery period would be longer and more stressful for me and my entire family.

My husband was working full time and going to school full time when we decided to get pregnant with S and conception happened rather quicker than we thought it was going to which made the estimated due date in April, right before final exams---not exactly the ideal time for my husband to become a new father. However, because we were so prepared for birth with our second child, the lead-up, birth and transition into a family of four flowed easily. It was so fantastic that I realized in an experiential way just what a significant role a doula can play for families  and how long they remain part of the new parenthood process. Doulas will be available for drop in assistance for an entire year or two: during the pregnancy, the birth event itself of course and the postpartum period are all under the realm of care that a doula can giving nurturing care and advice to a new family. That two year time period of conception through weaning is an enormously significant time period in a new mother’s life. If you tap into the skills and knowledge of local doulas with full gusto, which I did, the process of becoming a mother (whether it's your first time of fifth time) unfolds quite easily.

I hired two very experienced doulas: TJ March (of Mama’s Latte) and Laura Broderick (she used to work for Desert Doulas and now lives in Hawaii) as my co-doula team. TJ and Laura had different skill sets and so they made a perfect team as they worked together in a co-doula fashion. I was lucky to get a ‘two for one’ deal price wise that I didn’t expect but fully appreciated. I wanted TJ mainly to help me at the birth and to be on call to help me with nursing. Leading up to S’s birth the area that caused me most nervousness was, of course, the cesarean section possibility but also I was spending a lot of energy questioning whether I would be able to nurse S  for 12 months after having so many issues with J that caused me a lot of postpartum stress a few years earlier. TJ, was so similar to my own mother in temperment that I immediately knew she was who I wanted at the birth. Then I met Laura and she was an instant kindred spirit. I started to wonder if I had made a good choice in hiring TJ over Laura. TJ didn’t know much about massage and Laura did. TJ didn’t know much about victims of sexual assault and Laura did. TJ was just learning about HypnoBirthing while Laura was already a pro. It was my understanding that the only thing TJ had more experience with than Laura was having worked with a high amount of lactating mothers (past the initial first feed after birth which all birth doulas do and are trained for well). TJ had much more experience with lactating mothers because she drove to mothers' houses all over Tucson helping them problem solve breastfeeding issues under her business called Mama's Latte. TJ had two daughters that were absolutely phenomenal because their mother dedicated her whole life to mothering them and she did it well. I admired her as a mother. I admired Laura for her strength of character and ethical approach to birth as well. TJ was often late or forgot appointments, but I had a mother who did this all the time so it did not phase me, although it was slightly annoying. Laura was always on time and showed up early—just like I usually do with my meetings. So, when TJ flaked -out on an apt that both my husband and I had rearranged our very busy lives for, Laura showed up instead on short-notice and taught us a few important things about partner-communication during labor. She taught my husband how to give me light-touch massage, which was so wonderful both during pregnancy and during labor. That one skill made my husband fantastic at S’s labor.

TJ felt bad about missing the appointment, she had lost track of time with another client and forgot to check her watch, and so she eventually called to tell me that she was sorry to have missed the apt and that she wanted to give us a special nursing session for free to make up for it. I was thrilled. I was able to learn much more in depthly about what happens to milk during pregnancy, during birth, after birth, in the first six weeks, in the first six months, in the final 6-24 month period and about self-led weaning. 

Not only was I a pregnant mother but I was half way into my Doulas of North America training so I was not the average mom looking to these doulas for help with my birth. Of course, my highest priority was to have a positive birth experience with S but I am also a person who absorbs information with delight. So, I was a very good student and I learned a lot from both Laura and TJ. TJ even mentioned that I asked more questions as an individual than an entire room full of lactating moms usually did. TJ and I laughed often and easily—she was amused by me and I enjoyed her perspective immensely. Laura and my interactions were more serious and intense. We talked about intense things and we resolved emotional barriers together. She was instrumental in giving me the skill set to do HypnoBirthing with S even though I never took an HB class. All I did was borrow the book from my friend Kathleen, listen to the cd’s each night and practice the hand-outs that Laura had allowed me to borrow after I had hired her to be my doula and I had expressed an interest in wanting to learn more about HB philosophy. TJ was the doula who arrived at my birth with S, but I have no doubt that Laura would have been amazing at my birth too. I was so lucky to have them both encouraging me with informational resources, experiential discussions and especially in how they both related to me their understandings of how to have a natural birth in a hospital (if that was possible given my placenta issue). Suffice it to say that I was so glad I had invested 600 dollars in my doula care for S's birth and that was even before I gave birth!

When my due date was two days away, I had been having regular contractions leading up to the birth which fizzled out, just as they had with J’s pregnancy. Instead of walking up and down hills in my neighborhood, as I had done for two months straight with J, I closed myself in my bedroom and sat on my birth ball meditating in peace and quiet. I connected to the baby and I listened to my body. I encouraged my body to open, to feel safe, to know that our (my husband and I) expectation of our baby’s birth was for it to be gentle and full of intimate love.

After two days of regular contractions that faded every time I relaxed, TJ emailed me that I should have sex with my husband to get things moving since semen has been shown to mix well with late pregnancy hormones and can kick things into real labor. Obviously my husband and I thought this was amusing but we were certainly up for trying something fun that could work. I went to my acupuncture induction on Friday morning (several days before my estimated due date) and I felt my body hum with energy. The needles did not hurt but they did feel stimulating. My acupuncture induction helped flood my body with pain relieving hormones. My body responded by kicking up the contractions. That night I stayed up all night thinking that I was in labor and would soon need to call my OB to meet me at the hospital. The previous week, she had told me that I was already 2cm dilated and my ultrasound had shown that my placenta had moved up and away by five inches from my cervix which meant that a vaginal birth was now (finally) a safe option for me. I was elated by the news. My parents were in town and ready to be called at any moment to come and watch Jackson when my husband and I needed to go to the hospital.

 That night, my body worked hard to go into labor but again, when I fell asleep they fizzled into nothing. I started to get frustrated again but I remembered what my doula Laura had told me about using positive thought and letting go of negative thoughts. I read my HypnoBirthing book over again and I read Pam England’s book over again. I am a fast reader. I was able to do that in two days even though I had other responsibilities during that time. I went out on my porch on the morning of my due date fully pregnant, waddling about with no contractions surging through me and sat with Jackson; our water colors and paper on the art table. The sun streamed through the wooden lattice and my green plants tumbled down from our porch roof while I painted my vision of birth and J painted his vision of the world as a two year old views it. 

J looked at my pictures and said, “Mama, baby comes soon?” and I said “I sure hope so darling.” J said, "is the baby going to like the milk?” and I said “Yes. All babies like to drink milk.” And J said “yes, I remember, it’s good.” And then I said “I love you baby, you won’t be the baby anymore soon. Is that ok?” and he said “I’m a big brother. I will like to have a friend to play with.” And I said “Yeah, the best part about having a brother is that you will always have a friend to play with and J said “Yep.” 

The conversation was simple but ever- so- sweet.

Then we went back to painting in the sunshine. When we were finished, we hung our paintings in J’s bedroom. I went to drink some tea and respond to some emails from my students and then rested on the couch while J played with his trucks in front of me. My husband called asking for an update and I told him there was nothing to report. Later in the afternoon I took Jackson to Green Things to see the new baby goats. When we walked into the green house a large contraction gripped me and I couldn’t breathe for a moment. I loaded J into the car and we went home. Things continued in a much milder form and I started to think that again, I had been fooled and it was only the lead up—not the real deal. 

By evening the contractions were consistent but so mild that I barely felt them. I easily went about all our daily evening routine with J and told my husband to stay at the library if he needed to do schoolwork since all was calm at home. I put J to bed that night and went to lay down but I could not find a comfortable position to rest in my bed. I got back up and rocked on the birth ball. The contractions fizzled into nothing again. I slept through the night and didn’t even wake when my husband arrived home. In the morning my mom arrived and we went for a walk. As usual the contractions started again—stimulated by the walk. That morning they continued and started to get closer together. I emailed TJ that I thought today was the birth day and I would send an update in the afternoon if things continued to progress. TJ did not get my email in the morning and emailed me back asking if she should meet me somewhere…….had I gone to the hospital already she wondered? I reassured her that she had not missed anything and that I was still at home. Things were going fine and there was nothing for her to do. Adam was watching J and I was rocking on the birth ball meditating in my bedroom. I turned on Enya and checked my birth bag supplies. I took a last look at the peace flags waving in the wind on my porch and intended to get a chair to go take them down and put them in my birth bag when I became distracted by a few strong and constant contractions in quick succession. I started to get excited. This was it. I knew it instinctively and so I decided to take a nap. The nap was restful and when I awoke the contractions were still happening. 

I decided I should probably go to the Women’s Center at  Northwest Hospital. I called my OB and said we were coming in. I called TJ and told her to meet us there. I called my mom and she came to watch Jackson. I emailed my students in all of my classes that I would be out of reach for approximately 48 hours if they needed me, I would get back to them after the birth.

Adam looked at me and said “You’re so calm. Are you sure it’s time?” and I said “I think so. I can’t imagine that they wouldn’t admit me when I’m likely at six cm by now.” So, we got into the car and drove to the hospital. Upon arrival we did the paperwork and the intake staff said “Are you sure you’re in labor?” and I said “Yes, I’ve done this before. I am.” And then because she still seemed doubtful, I said “I’ve studied HypnoBirthing . I will be acting very calm.” She nodded and we were admitted. TJ arrived while we were on the monitors to be sure I was contracting in labor. I was and they moved me into the delivery room within about twenty minutes. I did more paperwork—so much paperwork—and asked for a nurse that “enjoyed helping at natural births” and my nurse brought a new nurse into the room who said “I read your birth plan.” And I said “Yes, it’s very specific.” And she said “There is no doubt about it—you know what you want!” TJ introduced herself and the nurse and she chatted for a few minutes while I got comfortable on the bed. The nurse wanted to get a good strip of the heart rate for her charting. I complied but cautioned that I had been in labor for quite awhile at home so I would likely want to stay moving and did not want to remain in the bed for very long now that I was getting closer to the end. The nurse looked at me with a puzzled expression and said “ I doubt you are very far along since we are have having such a good conversation.”  I said “I’m sure you will doubt me a lot but you’ll have to see Hypnobirthing to be convinced of it. I don’t mind being the first woman you’ve seen use this method. I know it won’t be the last.” She smiled and said “ I see on your birth plan that you want the squat bar so you can be verticle at the pushing phase?” I said, “Yes and started to describe why but then very suddenly, a really hard contraction (surge in HB lingo) hit and I looked at my husband and TJ and said “OK, here we go…..” I went into meditation and blocked the room completely out. I rocked and moved in natural ways letting my body lead my mind into the correct positions. TJ talked me through each surge as it tightened and released while Adam used light touch massage to keep me calm and connected to him. I remember very little of S’s birth except that I did not pay attention to anything except my body, my baby and my stress levels. Each time a panicky feeling emerged, I working it out and passed it through my body into the floor. I acknowledge it and rejected it equally. I felt no pain as each wave of contraction came into my body and left. TJ said, “Your body is working well.” Adam said “You know what to do.” I let those words reach deep into my heart and I prayed for peace from my God. I felt utter peace and contentment. This went on for several hours. It was the least dramatic birth anyone in the room had ever been at! It would have made terrible television because there was no drama at all. My OB came in and asked if she could break my water to get things moving along. I said “No thanks. I don’t need it . I am far along already.” She asked if she could check my cervix and I said “No thanks, TJ will let you know when it’s time to catch the baby.” TJ said to Dr. Mudge, “I think she might be close to the pushing phase.” My OB said, “Hmmm, she’s not behaving like women usually do when they are very close to the pushing phase. I’m going to go home and the nurses will call me when she’s closer.” I paid no attention to this decision but it made me wonder why OB’s always thought that they knew something more than birthing mothers about birth.” I said to Adam, “ I know I’m close but I don’t know how close. This is so different than J’s birth.” He smiled at me and said “Yeah, because we know what to expect this time!” TJ said, "You are working really well as a team Adam and Amanda. It's so nice to see."

Quite quickly,I felt bile rise into my throat and I began to shake. I was realizing that my body was giving the signs of moving into the pushing phase. I gave an enormously deep intake of breath and then threw up all the apple juice I had drank in the early stages of labor (during triage when I was on the monitors) and TJ caught it all deftly in the puke bucket she had been hiding behind her back as she watched me fight down the bile in my throat. Adam said, "Hey, none of it landed on the bed TJ--impressive." We all laughed, even me and even though I was starting to shake and feel stronger surges which ended in little digs of pain around my lower back. I was on my hands and knees in the bed at this point and focusing on one singular cord that led to the monitors as I moved rhythmically arching my back, yoga style with each surge and using yoga breathing techniques to guide the oxygen to my muscles which were working really hard to birth my baby.

Then TJ asked me if I wanted any mint gum to refresh my breath after the puking episode. First I said, yes and then I changed my mind, no. I suddenly felt a very strong urge to stand up. I said “Adam I need to stand right now!” He said “Ok, I’ll hold you while we sway/dance near the bed---that worked well earlier.” I nodded and TJ said “Now, this contraction seems stronger but remember your body is showing you the way.” I snapped at her “TJ, this one REALLY hurts.”  I can’t relax. I can’t do this, I said.” She calmly said “You already are doing it. You are doing it.” And I said “Ok, but this is really starting to hurt and then I started to push and TJ said “Are you pushing, Amanda?????” and I said “Yeah. Get the OB before she leaves.” TJ ran into the hall and caught my OB just in time. Adam said, “I’m here, he’s nearly here Amanda—we are near the end!” His voice was excited. I was grunting with the effort to push but I was holding my legs tightly together at the same time as I waited for my OB to come back. Dr. Mudge ran into the room and slid into a kneeling position as she registered the look on my face—I was most definitely pushing a baby out right away. Adam moved aside and Dr. Mudge was kneeling in a gush of waters which had recently broken all over the floor. Dr. Mudge said, “Ok, umm, could you put your right leg up on the bed so I can see if he’s crowning?” I did that and she said “Yeah, wow, he’s already crowning Amanda!” I gave another push, gently this time to avoid any tearing near my perineum and S dropped into Dr. Mudge’s hands. Once his head was out, the rest of him slid right out with no pushing from me---because I was standing up, gravity helped me birth him. Dr. Mudge placed S onto the bed, in between my legs and I looked into the eyes of my second born son. He was here! Adam said “Amanda, he’s amazing. You’re amazing. Look at him!” I smiled and thought how this gentle soul arrived with so little fuss. 

I started to cry with gratitude at this beautiful gift and easy labor. Dr. Mudge looked at me and said “You are really good at giving birth—you should do this again for sure!” TJ said, “Amanda, if you get into bed I can help you get snuggled with your baby while you birth the placenta.” I climbed into bed and the nurse said “I bet you tore a lot because that baby came so fast.” I said “I don’t think so. It feels much better than when I had an episiotomy with my first son’s birth so I bet it’s not a big tear.” She looked at me with doubt but made no reply. I rested in bed marveling at S and wrapped in Adam’s arms as we looked at all the tiny features of our newly born son. TJ asked if we had a name and Adam looked at me and said “After that, Amanda gets to decide the name.” I named him Skyeler. We planned to call him Skye after the island of Skye in Scotland because his blue eyes were the exact shade of that stormy sea. I had spent a lovely day reading myths about kelpies and other Scottish lore on the Isle of Skye when I had studied abroad at Stirling University when I was 19 years old. That day had been as peaceful as S’s birth. It seemed quite fitting.

The nurse started to get impatient that I was not focusing on birthing the placenta. She started to tell me that she was going to give me Pitocin to get the placenta out. I said “No, you’re not. It has not been that long yet and I will push it out.” The nurse said, “But the baby is born, the drugs won’t influence your baby now.” I said “I know you are right and that statement is true but I've had experience with Pit and I don’t need Pit. Just give me a chance.” I looked at Dr. Mudge and I said “Tell, her I can wait a bit.” Dr. Mudge said, “Yes, it’s alright, don't be alarmed. She can choose to avoid Pit without any risk.” The nurse said, “But we always give Pit to get the placenta out fast.” Dr. Mudge said “It’s ok. She can do it on her own.” Then I smiled at Dr. Mudge with gratitude for her opinions—which were evidence based rather than hospital protocol based.

 I handed S over to his daddy and I turned my attention to pushing out the placenta. I pushed once and it slid out. Dr. Mudge watched and directed the nurse on how to care for a woman who never had Pitocin at any stage of labor. This was new to the nurse. Dr. Mudge explained the warning signs of a placenta that looked like a bit of it had stayed inside the woman and then she said that the placenta looked heathy and whole and it seemed funny that this had been such a huge topic of conversation through out my entire pregnancy while it innocently provided for my baby just as my body had intended for it to provide sustenance. She said “I can tell you ate well during pregnancy.” I said  “Thank you.” I said “This placenta looks much nicer than the one with my first born son when I was post-due.” Dr. Mudge said, “Well, you changed my ideas about how women always behave near the pushing phase. That was fun!” I laughed and said “I told you that I was studying HypnoBirthing.” Then TJ said, “Yeah, Hypnobirthing seems like the way to give birth. That was fantastic Amanda!” Adam said “Do you want me to call your mom yet?” I said “Yeah, tell her to bring Jackson in the morning so he can meet his brother.” Then I asked TJ if she would help me get S latched on and she helped me do that. It was not easy but he did latch and he stayed latched for a long time; suckling and snoozing, snoozing and sucking but never opening his mouth to let go. I told TJ she could go and she left soon after the first nursing session. I think she was feeling quite proud that I had the skills to nurse S because of her good prenatal education with me and my interest in learning more than the average person about nursing infants. She took a picture of our newest member of the Horne family in my arms and my husband giving me a huge kiss. I cherish that photo very much and I was glad that TJ had thought of taking it for us. She told me that we would meet for the postnatal soon. I thanked her for her time, continuous support and her guiding voice during my birth. { I am sure she called Laura shortly later to tell her about the “Great HypnoBirth”}  she just attended as a doula but she may have needed to catch up on some sleep first.

 Adam and I were left to snuggle our newborn and the nurse said to me “Your water broke all over the floor. This room is a mess.” I said, “I’m sorry. If you had brought the squat bar in time, that would not have been what happened.” She said “Well no one knew you were anywhere close to giving birth.” Then I said “That’s not true. I knew.” I said this with a light tone of voice, hoping not to offend her while I also wanted to clearly re-stated the truth as it was at my birth. She looked at me and walked out without a word. I think I did offend her because I never saw her again. Shortly after this, my husband helped me into the bathroom to get cleaned up and an old woman came in with a mop. I said to her “Oh, I’m so sorry you have to clean that all up. It’s a mess.” She said in broken English “No. You have baby. It’s just fine. You have baby.” She smiled kindly at Adam and I, then nodded to S, who was asleep in the bassinet near my birthing bed. I looked at her and thought to myself Yes! Why should I feel guilty for making a mess during birth? She was right. I just had a baby—given birth to new life--- and that process is a little messy for every mother. I shook my head at how women in America are treated like they are disgusting and that they should never have body fluids visible without being reprimanded for how nasty and disgusting and unladylike that is--- as if we should rise above being human. I suspect that the cleaning lady was from Mexico based on her language skills. I thought briefly of asking her if she was a mother....I started to go into anthropologist mode and my husband could see the look on my face. He gently said, "Another time, Amanda and my ethnographic interview died in my mind.. He was right, I was bleeding all over the floor on the way to the bathroom. Now was not the time! Adam said “That nurse was a little clueless wasn't she? It was the nurse who should have listened to you, not you who should have stopped having a baby Amanda.” I agreed. What a lovely birth! I felt so free of pain, even after the birth.

My recovery was so smooth and nice. I was walking my dog within two days after giving birth, back to my usual routine, albeit with two beautiful boys instead of only one. Blessing number two had arrived in a gentle fashion.